Friday, September 16, 2005

bracing myself

Still picking the mascara crystals off my lids. Soon I'll dig into the new IKEA-sourced linens and ultra-cheap pillows and try to sleep.

I started the day writing an exceedingly painful email, and ended it at an art opening sponsored by "The Exiles", an organization dedicated to the furtherance of good, wholesome girl/girl S&M. Snufkina had a couple of great pieces in the show, her first official appearance as a photographer, and I was glad for the opportunity to throw on some pleather and too much eye makeup. Besides her other friends, who are always fun, I ran into three of my bellydance classmates--kinky bellydancers, surprise surprise--and the FtM model I mentioned about a week ago who we'd auditioned for the Guild.

It was great hanging out with everyone and surreptitiously eating all the cherry tomatoes off the deli trays. One woman that I've been studying dance with for two and a half years didn't recognize me in makeup and with my hair down; we were too far apart to hear each other, so I did a couple of stomach rolls and then she figured it out. She has a diorama in the show called "When the Dog's Away"; all little polymer clay cats with little whips and little strap-ons and little ballgags partying down in a living room. I watched her girlfriend showing it off to some people. This is what J does in her free time, said the girlfriend, and laughed like she didn't believe it either. The people looked like washed-up rock stars. J and I talked about feeling like we weren't getting what was going on in our classes. She, a different J, and I talked about how Nancy Drew and various cartoon characters had shaped our adult lives. The tomatoes gone, I started on the brie.

A good night. A lot of people hugged me. I carefully avoided the bar. A group of us went out to Cafe Baghdad afterwards and made a merry scene. I'm probably going to wake up sad, in that morning-after-you've-said-the-hard-thing way, where for a minute you don't remember that something has ended, and then it comes back and you feel like the cat's little polymer clay breakfast. But at least the evening went well, and I was reminded that I have a circle here, a good one; smart, decent, funny people. And I'm glad of it.