father's day
You know how when you break up with someone you were really attached to, there are a series of dates that are just hard to take? The first Christmas after the breakup, say, if you did Christmas together. Valentine's Day, or a birthday, or New Year's. In my case, one of the worst of these was a Halloween, but that story involves a clown and some liquid latex and I'll tell it later.
I hadn't realized that I had one of these coming up... a day that would remind me of someone I'd lost.
Yep.
There are signs in all the shop windows now; it seems like everyone thinks your Dads and Grads want whatever it is they have to sell, from overpriced furniture to cell phones. I was in Hayes Valley today and had to speed up, walking past one store with a big sign saying Destination: Dad. I wasn't prepared and it got me in the stomach.
It's not like we ever made a big deal of Father's Day. And maybe that's why this is starting to hurt so much. Maybe we should have. Maybe I should have. Dad didn't seem to care one way or another, but I feel badly that I didn't do more. A phone call, those years I remembered. We'd talk for a little while, and then he'd say, hold on, I'll get your mom. He rarely wore ties, so I wasn't going that route, although I may have given him one once as a child. I'm not sure. Was there a soap on a rope? Did I ever buy a card? I made one, one year, but it wasn't specifically a Father's Day card.
We all know that these things are totally overcommercialized. I mean, good lord, they start advertising the Valentine's Day stuff right after New Year's. And I know that some of us downplay the holidays as a result. But there is a little kernel in the middle, an important bit, a bit about taking time to let the people we love know it. I'm sorry this isn't more articulate, but truthfully, I had to step away from the computer for a minute to grab some Kleenex.
If I may make a suggestion, it's Tuesday night now. You don't need to go look for a tie; you don't need to call for reservations. But if there's someone dad-like in your life, you could take the next few days to think about what and who he's been to you. Did he teach you something? Cheer you up when you felt inconsolable? Open a door for you? And if there's any part of you that feels good doing that, for god's sake, make the call. And if--like my friend who is estranged from her father but thinking she wants to fix it--you have an awkward or painful situation with your dad that might be salvageable, make the call. Or write it down. Do something.
Because this year, I can't.
