Wednesday, June 22, 2005

another sign

I just got a call from the staffing fella at my caterer, asking if I minded being moved from one party to another this Saturday. I said fine, so he sent me an email with the details, which is how I learned that a person I never saw as manager material is going to be managing.

I am really conflicted about this. On the one hand, I really don't want to work under this person (although it won't be direct; I'm bartending, so technically I'll be under someone else) and feel like I need to confront my supervisor about why I've barely been tapped to manage in the past year and a half. Don't tell me that the weekend is super-busy, with parties everywhere, and then have me in a non-management position under a newbie. I understand that there were some issues about my management style (namely, I was behaving like the male managers), but I really feel a lot of my shortness was related to my father being sick. When I came back after his death, I was a lot different on the few parties I did manage, and got positive feedback from both clients and staff. So I believe the issue has been addressed. And if I'm going to cater, I would prefer to manage. Not just because the money's better, although of course that's a factor, but because without the challenge of managing, catering is so damn unfulfilling.

On the other hand. I've been whining and complaining about catering for so long now, and using how great it felt to get and finish the museum project as a goad to get myself actively seeking more writing work and moving away from the Sisterhood of the Tray. The couple of days I spent in LA meeting with my researcher and the video guy, looking at the artifacts, and being put up in a hotel and treated like a professional felt a lot more like what my life is supposed to be than sitting on an overturned milk crate behind the dinner tent, scarfing down cold food and wondering how much longer I can get away with not buying another pair of sensible black waitress shoes.

So I can be huffy and call my supervisor and remind her that she said she'd "keep me in mind" (right), or I can take this as another sign that it is past time for me to move on. I'm scheduled to work an average of one job a week through October, and I haven't taken anything after that. Maybe I find a way to emotionally detach from the catering altogether--do the jobs I've agreed to take with the best grace I can muster, bank the money, and not let it touch me.