disappearances

I've been in a really good mood this week. I move through a thick cloud of blessings.

Which makes the sad moments all the more so; they plummet through my bliss haze like rocks. I've had a few in the past few days, and they've all been, I realize, around people moving away. Physically or otherwise. Friends packing up to move, emails unanswered, an awkward silence at lunch, signs of a lover moving on. Stuff adding up.

I wonder if blogging this makes it more real. If naming the sadness takes me away from enjoying all the things that aren't sad. But I have to say that as I walked through a store today, looking for a journal to gussy up for Naiad to take on her Austin adventure, I was having a really hard time of it. I have this whole plan involving collage technology: acrylic gel medium, found papers, image transfers, drawings, and so on.

But I don't want to do it, any more than I wanted to buy anything Monday at Get Lost for MonkeyScientist, who is moving to Europe. I was secretly relieved when nothing there seemed quite right. I ran my fingers over the spines and thought, what could I possibly write on the flyleaf?

I care about my friends, I'm excited for them. I want them to do the things that make them happy. If their destiny is elsewhere, they should find that elsewhere. But that makes it no easier.

At the very least, they should all move to Paris. Paris I can get behind.